Today begins a new chapter for us. New horizons over which to be crossed, new skills to be learned, new adventures begun and new levels of faith for which I have waited 47 years. We begin a new journey of faith - not new to our Father in heaven but new to me.
Dave began a new career this week which forces us to have no safety net except for Jehovah Jirah, our Provider. Not that He will provide for us but that He is our Provision. In being WHO HE IS, we will not be without, I am certain, because I know HIM and HIS GREAT LOVE for me, Dave, Zeb, Alex, Abbi and Zoe. This is new. This is what I have waited for all of my life (Behold, this is our God, in Him we have waited...)but now that we are here, is it?
This morning I found myself wanting to cry. I really don't know why. I am not sad. I am not disappointed. I am not angry. It is just different. It is all new. There is nothing I can do to make sure it all turns out OK. There is nothing I can do to bolster up my husband and give him the confidence he needs to, at age 47, begin a new work in his life. There is nothing I can do to make sure when our mortgage comes due, we have the available funds.
Thank You, Lord, I can be free - free of any unnecessary burdens I have put on myself - but do I want to be? Do I want to change what I have been for the past 30 years? Do I want to let go? Can I let go? Can you see more of Jesus in me? Really? Am I yielded to the Holy Spirit so that His fruit of long suffering, faith, peace, and especially self-control can be seen more in my life? Please, for your glory, Lord. Stir within me a new faith in You. Stir within me a new love for You. Produce within me a new me in You. God my Provision, I look to You.
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